Well, I guess I need to be alone. I just want to put the pieces together. I want to ponder over my decisions and words amidst stun silence. I want to walk in the streets without companions. I want no conversations to happen and I just want to look at myself in the mirror, I want to look at my face which has turned red and pink because of shyness. I want to ask myself: “Was I wrong?” and if in case I was wrong, then “where in the world was I wrong?” I want an appropriate answer for all these questions which have been bumping into my mind out of nowhere.
But unfortunately for me, Every time I stare at myself in the mirror, I end up seeing your face. I witness your face shining brightly like the sun. Your smile sways off all the pains and sorrows. And then, although without reason I fall asleep in sheer contentment, I just can’t make out why?
That day, while I was speaking to you, there came a moment, when I thought to myself: “gosh, have I gone a bit too far? Have I crossed the limits?” But in my opinion, I only told you the truth because I felt it was essential for you to have a look at the complete picture. But what frightened me even more was the silence that followed. You didn’t say anything and it was your indomitable silence which made my mind enter into a state of oblivion.
The Breathe of mine had frozen like ice; my heart was pounding at an unbelievably brisk pace. A sense of excitement and fear had engulfed me completely. I know that you did notice the large extent of delirium surrounding my voice. My throat had dried up, it was choking. You must have noticed the sweat dripping off my forehead. I know that whatever I told you would have appeared to be a bit shocking to you and you must have thought to yourself: “ oh Lord,What is he saying, is he out of his mind? Has he turned insane?”But I guess, somewhere at the back-end of your mind, you could also see it coming.
I did the majority of the talking that day and you acted as a silent listener all throughout the conversation barring some moments when you smiled at me out of utter bafflement. I was scared for I thought that you might misinterpret me because of anxiety and excitement but to my surprise, you took it in a lighter sense and showed a great deal of maturity. Well, you might have taken my words in a lighter sense, but I know that you will never ever consider them to be a joke. For they were the pieces of reality and truth conveyed to you in the simplest of manners and words.
I’ve always viewed my life through a largely pessimistic perspective. I loved winters, the season when life freezes, when leafs fall down from the wilting trees. When no one’s there with us, when we are all alone in our solitude and we have our heartbeats accompanying us. I didn’t have a face, but you gave me one, I had no intentions to live, but you gifted me a beautiful life to live. You made me realize that I have gone way too far while riding on the tides of pessimism. Whenever you are there with me, I am confident. No matter how direst the situation is, I feel motivated, I feel like I am alive.
I want you to understand whatever I have just told you. It doesn’t matter to me if the world doesn’t understand my words, I am least bothered about them. To me, you are my world; you are my land from where I could harvest optimism and hope. As far I am concerned, I wanted you to know what I felt about you so that misconceptions and misunderstandings stay away. I have nothing to hide. I don’t want both of us to fight over petty matters. I just want to be with you, I just want to hear your voice throughout the night. I want your voice to break the shackles of silence during the night.
I would like you to know that I am really thankful to you for instilling into me, a sense of positivity and optimism. Frankly speaking, I used to love sheer darkness and silence quite a lot, but now I love the bustle of voices. I love that feeling of liveliness; I love to see the sunlight brightening my perspective towards life. And today, it is only because of you that I want to live my life to the fullest. Believe it or not: You happen to be my Sunlight.
I know that you have understood my words and now it is time for you to understand the reasons behind my indomitable silence. Till yesterday, my heart was running riot against my wishes, completely wild and free. But the moment I started telling you what I felt, to my utter shock, my hands started shivering, the feet started trembling out of nervousness. I don’t know why and how in the world was this happening to me. I felt completely numb and depleted. Well today, I have realized that truths may be simple in nature, but it takes a lot of getting to speak the truth because it can easily be misunderstood. Words can be extremely deceiving at times. But I guess silence can never be deceiving; it is always clear and precise, isn’t it?
To end it all on an optimistic note, I would say:
“I won’t cry and melt away like snow even if you leave me and go away
Because I know you would always want to come back to me”