Remembrances……

Ah, here I am, trying to sum up all the parts. I happen to be thinking about a friendship that fell apart with time, distance and of course, because of the sheer misunderstandings created by me time and again. I’ve been trying hard not to confuse sadness and melancholy with regret and realization, but thus far, all my attempts seem to have bit the dust.

At times, forgetting someone is perhaps the most daunting task one may come across. Well, that is what I believe. I regret that certain things happened. I could have avoided them easily, but perhaps I was a bit too busy thinking about you and that is exactly what went against me.

I know you already know this but I would like to reiterate the fact that you’re way braver than me. Did you ever notice that this was the only reason I was so afraid? It isn’t that I love only a part and portion of you but I always wonder if you could somehow manage to love a little more than a part and portion of me.

I miss you, but the strange part is that I think of you every day. Your memories never leave me. I never forget a thing about you. I can explain the reason behind my love for you. You are there all around me. Even when I’m busy presenting my Powerpoint Presentations to a bunch of disinterested classmates of mine, your memories fly through my mind and, it is at this very moment that, although without reason, that my mind enters into a state of complete listlessness and as a consequence of this state of absolute oblivion, your dear friend Gulraj ends up forgetting his lines. It happened recently.

It’s so quiet here, even with the dogs barking in the background. Everything seems to have grown, including my love for you, but I haven’t grown. I’ve remained pretty much stagnant. The people I come across tell me how hard it really is to forget someone. Furthermore, they even add that remembering someone is even harder, but I suppose no one talks about how much effort we put into forgetting something.  Well, I can’t afford to forget you, simply because I’m tired of forgetting things. Sometimes, forgetting someone really doesn’t work. It’s quite similar to remembering someone. But I’ve tried to forget anyway and I was ignoring the fact that it’ll turn out to be useless.

And now, I find myself sitting on the floor. I’ve been rewinding and replaying the past in my head pretty much like an old Video Cassette Recorder. I had one when I was 5 years old. Anyways, your memories keep on flying through my mind and I never get tired of them. Whatever I’ve been through seemed so vast, with so many facets and facades, vast and real, very genuine indeed. It was the reason why your memories succeeded in towering over me and eventually managed to overpower my wits and senses.

I know it is a far fetched dream but I’d still like to believe that when I die, at least one single part and portion of me will end up flying all the way to you and after that we’ll be together. You may disagree with me, but my belief keeps on growing stronger that nothing, absolutely nothing in the world is final and both of us will get a chance to be together in some form or the other, even if it appears with the naked eye that we won’t.  My heart says to me that I’ll get to see you sometime soon, even if it’s not with eyes.

So, to draw the curtains, I’d like to tell you that I’ll always be there with you because I love you. I simply don’t care whether you love me or not. I don’t care if I’ll have to stay awake all night in order to listen to those taunts and tantrums of yours. There is nothing you can do in order to lose my love.

I am stronger than your insecurities and braver than your fears and nothing, absolutely nothing ever shall exhaust me.

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